You will wake up one day and think of yourself first. I promise.
It might not be now. Or even in 6 months from now. But you will wake up one day and the first thing you’ll think about is: you.
This might seem confusing to some… “Of course you think of yourself when you wake up!” But that’s not always true.
Sure you might think, “I have bad morning breath” or “Ugh, I’m so tired.” But that is not what I’m referring to.
Just one year ago, I found myself waking up and thinking of ANYONE but me. Friends, family, boyfriend at the time, bosses, coworkers…the list goes on.
I typically rolled out of bed and swore at my alarm clock (“Oh shit!”), only to instantly wake up and wonder who had texted me that morning. What meetings did I have that day. Who had reached out to me. Did my boyfriend say good morning yet. Which friend was I hanging out with today.
I thought of everyone else but me.
Honestly, I never knew any different. This was a constant in my life since my early years — always a people pleaser, always looking for validation in others, and never making time for myself.
I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me at the time. I had friends, I had hobbies, I had a great career, but something just wasn’t right. I didn’t feel that lust for life. I didn’t feel that skip in my step waking up to a new day.
In my defense, one year ago, I also had a splint covering half of my right hand, having broke my ring finger the month earlier. Each morning was a not-so-gentle reminder of my missing autonomy, of something that was “off” with me, of the fact that I had a hard time asking for help…but more on that another time.
I frequently thought of Tegan and Sara, one my all-time favorite bands, and their lyrics rang true:
“I wake up exhausted, it’s not morning,
It’s back to sleep…to re-dream me.”
How sad, that sleep brought such solace. But that can happen when you see nothing in your day ahead that inspires you to get out of bed. When you are not your own inspiration.
But now? Now, I realize how bizarre this mindset used to be. Only because it’s changed. I barely even used to notice it before, but now it’s glaringly obvious looking back.
Nowadays, I love myself so much.
As the sun creeps in my bedroom every morning…oh, who am I kidding, I sleep with room darkening shades *and* an eye mask (quite extra)…but when I wake up and pull the shades to see the sun, I feel amazing.
Most days, I smile. And as I get out of bed, I look in the mirror. I love how adorable I look when I wake up. No joke. My skin looks great. I look precious in pajamas. And can I get a “Cutest Bedhead Award,” pleez?
I typically put music on to get dressed and get ready for the day. I get ready quickly and always do my hair for work. On the weekends, I go shabby chic and throw my shortish hair in a half-up top-knot to go grab coffee. I don’t mind when my roots show.
My head’s usually half full of dry shampoo. I’m usually wearing at least eyebrows and lips. Oh, and winged eye liner.
And it all makes me so happy.
So what’s different now?
Well for starters, I see every day as unbridled possibility.
It astounds me how much I can fit into waking hours – albeit, I’ve had less sleeping ones lately.
Through life coaching, daily gratitude, setting personal goals, and finally honing in on my passion, every day seems like absolute magic.
I rarely have a hard time falling asleep anymore, having left it “all on the field” each day. But not just for work, or friends, or family, or responsibilities. I’m giving every day my all…all for my dreams.
“Future Rose” will thank present day me, I’m sure of it.
I know it to be true, because “Current Rose” has hindsight, and can see the transformation. Can see the difference from before.
I know now how life can blossom. One morning at a time.