I *manifested* this shit.
Not all that long ago, I dreamt of a day when I sat in my own apartment in the big city (or at least Chicago is the big city for those of us in the Midwest). When I had a high-energy job, when I was a manager of a team, when I went to fancy restaurants and drank craft beer and fine wine.
It wasn’t a popular decision at the time. I can tell you that much.
Not everyone wants what you want. And not everyone wants you to grow.
I remember a day when I was searching for my first big girl job, and the consensus was for me to stay in my college town, or home town, or any town that had jobs more readily available than Chicago.
Friends, family, everyone wanted me to succeed, but they also wanted a “safe bet” for me.
I was not interested.
I wanted the city, an apartment, a job, a social life.
And I saw it so freaking clearly.
I pictured myself in sunglasses, walking around the Loop, past people in suits, past the river, underneath the skyscrapers. I saw happy hours, and groups of friends (like How I Met Your Mother), and rollerblading along the lake path (not that I’ve owned roller blades since 1999 – ha!).
Then it happened. That one job opportunity that changed the tides – eventually teaching me tons of lessons, introducing me to a client who turned into a boss who turned into a best friend. The job that made it possible for me to pay down some student loans, and finally search for an apartment.
Finding a new place to live also needed to be a part of the vision — I saw many apartments with insane living conditions, or bizarre roommates, or no windows (yes really).
And then I landed on the right one for me, with the right roommate, in the right neighborhood, with the cutest view from the window right down Lincoln Ave.
My window looked out to the now ubiquitous Salt and Pepper Diner – the main venue for John Mulaney’s well-known “What’s New Pussy Cat?” bit from his stand-up special. (if you’ve never seen it, get on that right now!), As a fan of stand up comedy, this was the dream.
Just like that. I had everything I wanted. Everything I envisioned. And I had manifested the crap out of it. Saw it in my brain, and it came to life.
But eventually it wasn’t enough, and I started to seek more. Envision more.
Better apartments, better jobs, boyfriends, career success – you name it.
And then something strange happened.
At the age of 25, I hit my career goal for 30. (record scratchhh: what?!!!)
Yup. Now what was I to do?
All of a sudden, I needed new goals. I needed new dreams.
Did I want more?
Did I deserve a better boyfriend?
Did I need my own place?
Did I need to go on an adventure?
The universe said “Yessss girlllll” in a sultry voice – and I listened.
Went after a new job, broke up with my boyfriend, got my own apartment, and set my sails for a two-week “grown-up” trip to Spain — a place that had been calling me since I was a teenager. And I finally picked up.
As I sit here writing this from my balcony, sipping French press coffee, and overlooking a blue sky in the City – a view which includes the tippy top of the Hancock Building (if I walk up a couple steps on my back stairs) – I realize that now, once again…I want more.
I’m so unbelievably grateful for all that I have, and do gratitudes almost daily.
BUT why should this be it? Why should this be as good as it gets?
I can be grateful and dream big all at the same time. I can love what I have and want something more, all why rubbing my stomach and tapping my head. Boom.
That resistance you feel? …of others telling you to stop dreaming and sit still…to be fine with what you have in front of you?
THAT IS THEIR RESISTANCE.
They are not ready to grow. They are scared of your future. It’s not for them.
They have focused on other things that keep them preoccupied. That’s their life, not yours.
I may be metropolitan. Have zero point zero kids. No husband. No pets. Rent an apartment. I may not know how to mow a lawn. Or use a sump pump.
Nor do I drive a car more than once every two years.
But I’ll be damned if I’m not going to fly.