Like many high-performing, badass women, I “ain’t got time” for most things.
- Slow walkers
- The patriarchy
- Your bullshit
But sometimes…I even don’t have time to emote.
I can feel tears welling or an old wound reopened, but everyone now and again…I save it for later. Like a bag of M&Ms that takes me a week to eat (don’t ask, I just don’t really binge eat sweets).
Yup, I literally procrastinate my own emotions. Not often. But sometimes.
In the moment, it seems normal – mean girl thoughts buzz through my brain like:
“You’ve got too much going on today to be sad.”
“Would a good [coach/daughter/lover/woman] really be getting upset about this?”
“After all you’ve been through, aren’t you *tough enough* to deal with this stuff by now?”
And for some reason. I listen to her. My little meanie in my brain, constantly hard on me, harder than anyone I know.
But I don’t tell you this to listen to me vent. I’m Gucci all on my own – got a coach, solid support system, years of therapy under my belt, oh, and 17 journals.
I TELL YOU THIS TO TEACH YOU.
Because I know so many of you do this too. You probably just don’t realize it all of the time.
Here are things you probably prioritize over your own moment to F E E L:
- Catching the bus
- Watching a video on Instagram
- Worrying that your feelings aren’t valid
- And most of all…OPP
What’s OPP, you ask?
No, not “other people’s pot” – although that is a thing my friend used to say, and she is right, do not do it. ; )
No, OPP is: OTHER PEOPLE’S PROBLEMS.
Yes, the emotions of others. As empathetic women, we carve out so much freaking time in the day for them. Prioritizing them over our own.
Friend just got ghosted? You comfort them.
Coworker venting over the latest shitty email? You check in on them.
Maybe the significant other twists their ankle.
Maybe your kids are crying in the next room.
Maybe your cat is puking.
Whatever it is. You put them first. You’re a real “Selfless Sally.”
But that doesn’t help YOU.
Cuz when you think you’re just planning your schedule, and you’ll come to terms with your feelings “later,” you’re really telling yourself that you don’t matter as much.
Ever get almost a little **jealous** at someone being over the top, extra, dramatic AF in the moment over something that happened to them? If you find yourself even wishing for a second you could have that kind of expression of feelings, and just let it all out…
THAT’S A RED FLAG.
Just like you’re probably dehydrated right now (drink some water that doesn’t have bubbles in it for once, woman!)…
You’re not giving yourself the love that you need. The soft landing that you give to your bestie…to the freaking dog…you gotta give yourself sometimes.
You gotta give yourself the “runway” to land that emotional 747 jet.
Feeling in the moment will also prevent the dreaded “ANG-OVER” (trademark pending)
What’s an ang-over?
It’s an anger hangover. Your frustration of not letting your feelings out in the moment, or close to the moment, will bubble up. Build inside.
And then when it eventually comes out. You don’t feel relieved.
You feel bitter.
Why didn’t your friend “let” you express your feelings after they vented to you?
Why didn’t anyone ask you how YOU were doing today at work?
Why doesn’t anyone CARE ABOUT MEEEEE?
I’ve been there.
But your anger is misdirected. It’s you that you should be worried about.
Because you didn’t let yourself emote. You didn’t give yourself time to think about you’re doing. And you didn’t prioritize yourself today.
We can’t control anyone but ourselves.
And while we think that “having it all together” means not getting upset…or triggered by our past traumas..or sad over a love lost…job opportunity missed…friendship fallen.
Self expression is self care.
Today, emote freely.
Emote in the moment.
Hold no resentment towards everyone else just living their lives. Expressing their thoughts and feelings and woes and worries.
Embrace what makes you human.
That’s the best version of yourself you can be.