Why aren’t I different yet??!


We all hear about people’s transformations. Their huge life change. Their inner growth.

“Transformation” is a borderline buzz word now, and it’s starting to get drowned out by a sea of self help gurus.

But there’s a dirty truth about transformation.


Different schedule. Different execution. Different.

Sucks right?

As life coaches, wellness coaches, and fitspo producers, we are constantly telling the world that they can get the results we got. And in a timely manner.

And it’s true….but for inner work. Mindset change. True enlightened transformation…it’s really quite unique to the individual.


If you want it to *stick* …it’s gotta be right for you. Which means it’s gotta be born from inside. I know what a bummer…there’s no easy button. No textbook fix.

See, some of us can change overnight – like a butterfly in a cocoon. Which is awesome!

But, for others of us, it takes time. To sit with our changes. To let them wash over us.

The impact of inner work is sporadic and ongoing at the same time.

In fact, for many of us, we don’t even ~see~ our results until we reflect back and look at how much has changed.

For the typical high-performing, type-A woman, change is something we expect to happen on our own schedule, and we forget to reflect on the progress we’ve made so far.

Personally, I’ve got things I’ve worked through, and things I’m working on. It’s a process. And I vow to be open with you about that process in effort to allow you to give yourself grace with your own progress.

In the interest of transparency, here’s what I’ve worked through:

  • Self love – loving myself deeply, wholly, and unconditionally
  • Not being so hard on myself in life – reminding myself that it gets me no further
  • Me time – savoring moments to myself, listening to my body when it’s tired or stressed
  • Being okay with the “gray” and letting go of black and white
  • Trusting the process, and other people
  • Blaming gracefully – things in my past, people who’ve hurt me
  • Asking for help and outsourcing things that steal my energy
  • Being excited about the UNKNOWN

Whew, what a list.

But I wasn’t always like this.

I pulled out a random journal last week trying to find one with extra pages (I go through a lot…surprise, surprise).

And as I grabbed it from the *tippy top* shelf in my walk-in closet, it fell and opened it up to a random page.

A page that captured my musings from years ago. My thoughts. My fears.

It was like a time capsule of 2015 Rose.

And, wow…was she different.

Growth…transformation…it can be hard to notice in short increments of time.

But you can see it vividly over time.

Kind of like when you haven’t seen your little cousin in a few years and now she’s a teenager (why are kids allowed to grow up??? rude!).

As I read my entries from 2015, I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes.

Written on these pages, in my own handwriting (and neatly I might add – denoting purpose and perfectionism), I wrote words and phrases like:

  • worried
  • confused
  • nervous
  • not ready
  • hope it lasts
  • hard to believe
  • freaking out
  • exhausted
  • am I good enough??

Oh man…..

Now it’s not that I don’t use these terms ever. But I do use them a lot, lot less.

It’s not that I don’t have things that scare me or things that don’t make me nervous.

It’s the “what” that’s changed for me.

I am no longer as worried about what people think about me. I am comfortable in my own skin.

I am not confused and nervous when it comes to friendships or dating or other relationships anymore because I choose to limit my time with those that make me feel uncomfortable and follow my intuition so very closely.

It’s not that I don’t find things “hard to believe,” but I no longer apply to this to people showing me affection, or good things happening, or a lack of emotional abuse.


Instead. Through inner work and coaching. Finding my inner self again. And mostly…choosing to live in the gray (in between the black and white that I used to)…

I’ve chosen to live differently.

I dropped the rule book. For life. For relationships. For friendships. For my career.

Threw it away.

Cliché I know.

But it’s true.

Old Rose was hung up on the “too soons” or “why not me?s” or “being perfect” and a lack mindset that literally almost destroyed me.

The girl who was convinced that her type-A, high-performing, high-empathy lifestyle was going to bring her success…ya she was sure crying in a lot of closets, and confused why she wanted a better life.

And she (apparently) couldn’t help but journal about the large number of people she felt like she was letting down all the time.


Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t care about other people or how I make them feel or how I support them.

It’s that I know I’ve got me for life. And I value me.

And more than anything, I trust that I deserve amazing things.

Old Rose didn’t believe that.

She was worried she wouldn’t be good enough.

And you might be feeling the same way now.

Which is I’m writing this. It’s not to show the linear line my life took from A to B. (Cuz it wasn’t one) …Or to brag about how much I changed.

It’s to remind you that just a few years ago my life and my brain and my feelings were very different.

It’s a journey. It’s unique to everyone.

And the day you find yourself open to that concept is the day you’ll start to make lasting changes.

Facing the unknown.

Because possibility is more exciting that probability. And while the future may freak you out sometimes, it holds who you’ll become.

Which means you have to confront who you are now.

If you want to be different, you have to think differently.

So…Get your pen. Get your paper. And find awareness for who you are today. That awareness can show you what’s holding you back. And can also remind you why you love yourself.

Find peace with the you today. Here and now.

Cuz you’ll be a-changing before you know it.


Rose Up

One thought on “Why aren’t I different yet??!

  1. This is so encouraging. I was actually just flipping through an old journal of mine, too… incredible what can change in a few years! Thanks for this 💞

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